The Debrief

I am in a contemplative mood today, I have that residual deep warm tiredness that follows the conclusion of something that has been front of mind and building for a number of weeks. My body chemistry is re-aligning and I honestly don’t think I will be pushing myself too hard today.

A big thank you to those who added themselves to this blog on Tuesday at NZREC. As I mentioned on the (giant, nerve-wracking) stage, I was hoping a few people might sign up and we would be able to add 200-odd readers to the list, reaching a target of 2000. 

At the time of writing (Wednesday morning) we are at 1,997, so I am going to put that in the ‘achieved’ bucket. 

Thank you also to those who have taken the time to send me a comment, or to stop me during the conference yesterday to have a chat. 

Of course the song stuck in peoples minds, but as much as there was appreciation for the music, comment after comment has come in around the content. I would not want to be talking about the challenges that we all face day after day as it would soon enough become a pity party. We need to be relentlessly positive in our business. However, we also owe to ourselves and to one another to be honest. 

Sometimes things are just shit. 

I spent a lot of energy getting together an academic argument and trying to teach and demonstrate a skill in my 20 minute time slot on stage, yet that’s not what landed. Maybe I have a place in talking about the ‘tough stuff’ that nobody really wants to talk about. Something for me to think about should the opportunity arise again. 

Here are the full lyrics, and a phone recording of ‘the song’ if you wish to take a look and have a listen. 

But before I share this, I want you to know I don’t walk around all day with these feelings. When the dark days come, the writing of a song is one of my ways of clearing out my anxieties, naming the monsters and by doing so, facing them. Equally practicing some other art form, getting out in nature, having a walk, talking to a friend, advisor or councilor is a great way to manage those times. Prevention is better than cure – good food, good sleep, exercise. Seeing those clouds coming and taking steps to deal with it. 

Well, here is a link to the song recording, and here are the lyrics, the song as yet unnamed, and if I am honest, probably not yet finished either:

A full night of sleep, I’m still tired, without peace, down to my bones. 

My energy low, how can I keep falling forward, I don’t know. 

I want to run away, but that’s not the way I am made. 

With all that’ s goin’ on, responsibility heavily weighs. 

And when I stumble and when I fall

No one to catch me any more 

As it unravels in my hand

I’m on the floor, gathering up broken strands. 

Sometimes I want to scream, but I hold it down inside, where it builds within me, deafening me in its silent howl. 

And when I stumble and when I fall

No one to catch me any more 

As it unravels in my hand

I’m on the floor, gathering up broken strands. 

(The full song has another two line verse:) 

Challenges piling up, clouds overhead, gather before the storm

What’s this all about, this darkness around, my mind usually strong, totally torn.

I want to run away, but that’s not the way I am made. 

With all that’s goin’ on, responsibility heavily weighs. 

And when I stumble and when I fall

No one to catch me any more 

As it unravels in my hand

I’m on the floor, gathering up broken strands. 

-Matt