The Valley of Despair

I came across the concept of the Valley of Despair the other day, and watching a handful of people start with us, and thinking about the experiences of others along our journey, I felt that a look at this was in order. 

Sometimes called the ‘cycle of change’, and often referred to as the Dunning Kruger effect, the idea is that when people and organisations go through change, there usually is a period of early excitement and optimism. This is promptly followed by a period of struggle and even depression. As the people or company can work their way through it, there will be a period of gradual improvement (that may go in fits and starts) before mastery is achieved. There is a great graphic for this that really explains better.

As well as seeing this in others, I often find myself in the same situation. I don’t know if you have ever heard that the easiest person to sell to is a salesperson? Well I am a salesperson, and I am a sucker for a great idea. Consequently, I am constantly embarking into new territory. 

It is the best feeling, I feel like I am on top of the world. In a very short while I descend into a place where I do not understand any of what is going on around me and wonder why on earth I started the project. I throw away my toys and write depressing blog posts. 

I think our vendors experience this when we list as well. They have joyously decided on a real estate agent, the photos look great, the marketing is up and running. But this soon becomes: Where are all the buyers? What is going on? How come we have not sold?

I thought that I understood this process.

I thought that it would be easy. 

Embarking on any of many ventures quickly goes from excitement and positivity where we  ‘don’t know what we don’t know’, to a harsh reality check, called in the models that talk about the ‘Valley of Despair’. 

The main point of my post today is really to highlight the Valley of Despair. The pain of change. The feeling of regretting your decision to change. The awful discomfort of suddenly knowing that you are lost and don’t know  as much as you thought. Is it easier to go back? 

And although this was the main thread… I can’t leave you in the valley.

Climbing out of the valley of despair is sometimes called the ‘Path of Enlightenment’. And while that sounds very nice, it is a lot of work. When we start on something new we think that we are going to have progress that neatly follows a straight 45 degree angle. 

In reality the way out is not linear – it is not necessarily a straight line. Our productivity and positivity can take a knock as we feel like we are going backwards. Once we start to get the hang of it and make a few wins we start making progress out of the slump. 

I guess the point of this post for anyone leading a change or embarking on something new is an awareness of this effect. When we make a decision to change the status quo it would be very rare to know exactly what we are getting into. There is going to be unknown – things that we can’t know until we have said yes, until we have signed on the line, until we have made the commitment. Until we have cast off the past and stepped into the new thing. 

Leaning into challenges with an understanding of the slump that awaits is one way to help mitigate the feeling of helplessness. Understanding that feeling uncomfortable, and that ‘I will never understand this’ is all a part of that wonderful thing called growth.