Comparison is the Thief of Joy

I am trying to be less concerned with what everyone else is doing. I have found that Comparison is the Thief of Joy and I would like to explore this a little further.

It can be difficult to not compare yourself to someone else? I know that I am not the only one who suffers this curse, it is, I believe, a fairly human trait and probably the reason for the ‘success’ of our species, certainly the rise and fall of cultures over history. However, it would seem that over the course of a lifetime, plenty of joy can be removed by trying to worry about what everyone else is doing.

I gently gave this advice about comparison to a friend of mine a few months back. He is in an office situation and saw everyone else with plenty of activity and he felt a bit…. miserable…. as he felt that he was underperforming. He was going through a dry patch! The idea hit home, being a good salesman, I managed to present the idea without ramming it down his throat. I was surprised and delighted a few weeks later when I called him when I was in a bit of a funk. He was in a much-improved state of mind and reminded me that comparison is the thief of joy. He had managed to get on top of how he was feeling by repeating this quote when he noticed he was on a negative thought pattern.

As I have said, this monthly post is my excuse to get the ideas that have been rattling around in my head down on paper. I know that there is nothing new in anything that I am saying here, but maybe in saying it you can put your own thoughts back into a more helpful condition. Because one of the areas that there is no doubt we must have a bit of control over are thoughts. Your thoughts will either make or break you.

So back to comparison. And I am going to do down the business path, although I will pull in examples from the two other crucial areas – relationships and health – that need equal attention as business and career.

How can I be focused on what I am trying to achieve without being distracted by what others are doing, how others are doing it, and what outcomes they are achieving. I am trying to create something different here, and I want to create it in a different spirit to what I see all around me. How can I do things the way that I want to do them, in the spirit I want to do them, in the ways that I want to do them, still get financial rewards from doing it, and keep my life balanced.

How can I do all of this in a context of learning, finding the right methods and techniques and attitudes, and not getting tunnel vision so that I end up with an idea and that’s all! Ideas are great. Everyone has good ideas, but they only survive if enough people believe in them. That and a steady supply of cash in the context of business!

I have another thought to consider which I think might just run in tandem with this. This is where I have found the most success in flipping the switch on comparison:

Focus on what you have, gain what you want. Focus on what you want, and lose what you have.

It’s probably sounds a bit woo-woo but I like it. And I don’t necessarily think that it is woo-woo (woo-woo is a term used for unconventional beliefs regarded as having little or no scientific basis, especially those relating to spirituality, mysticism, or alternative medicine).

There is a very well-resourced agency that is full of friends of mine that I have been involved with for many years. Because my friends are in this business I see a lot of what is going on from the outside. Not only does this business look good, I also know that it is good! It is a perfect comparison trap for me.

Some people solve this sort of problem by removing themselves from social media, or unfollowing people, unsubscribing from mailing lists and so on. Good strategy but at the moment, I don’t want to isolate myself – there is another way.

I was in one of these moments in regards to Independent Agent.  The mountain to climb to be where I want to be just seemed too high. I was right deep in a comparison trap. My joy was gone!

I eventually sat down and grabbed a piece of A4 paper. Started listing all the things Independent Agent has. In this case I could say that the business didn’t have it a year ago because a year ago we had my operations manager Kim and myself and that’s about it. The list I came up with was long. I had to turn the page and keep scribbling ideas.

My scribbled notes achieved two things.

Firstly, I felt a sense of achievement and a flood of positivity.

Secondly, from this platform of knowing that I had achieved something, a way forward opened up. I could clearly see where to next, what to keep doing and what to focus on. It made my recruiting calls easier, it made my follow up tasks meaningful, and the growth ideas were flowing.

There is a saying that goes something like ‘you don’t know where you are going if you don’t know where you are from’. This felt a little bit like that. In a business sense.

We have all achieved something. Sometimes it pays to look at what we have, and from there we become aware of the internal and external resource and capital that we have to get moving, put aside a negative mindset, and get the ball rolling again. See, not woo woo at all.

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Welcome to Reema Sharma

Reema and her family are heavily involved in her community on many levels and it’s a sense of serving her community that brings Reema in to real estate agency work. She is also involved in the Indian entertainment industry and has given Independent Agent the opportunity to sponsor a Bollywood event. Reema is detail focused and diligent and brings these traits to her real estate business. Welcome Reema.

Welcome to Steve McNally

Steve has been in the property game in the north for some time, in the valuation business and agency work. Well known and connected in the North, Steve is well accustomed to rural, residential and commercial real estate. He is very hard working with a non-nonsense attitude. Welcome to the team Steve.

Welcome to Swati Batra

Swati is a new agent, recently licensed. She comes from a customer service and healthcare background and is hungry to learn and do deals! Swati is working in Hamilton assisting Stuart White in his growing team. Good luck Swati, we look forward to watching your career take off.

Welcome to Mark Charlesworth 

Mark is an experienced agent from the North Shore of Auckland. Mark is high energy and as well as selling real estate, is building a community-based business – more on that later. Mark is working on the North Shore and in North West. Welcome Mark!