Positivity & Honesty, We are only Human

Not Throwing in the Towel

Two weeks ago, at around this time my last email had just gone out and very kindly, I received several positive comments from colleagues, friends and family too. And then, into my inbox came this challenging comment, followed by a copy and paste from my email:

“That does not sound very encouraging”

And the copy and paste:

“Ok sure, there are times when I throw my hands in the air and want to throw in the towel”

My mind quickly raced in several directions with this brief email:

• Someone had actually read this – someone who doesn’t know me, someone that I don’t know. Exciting!
• If one person says this to me there are others who are thinking it. How many are thinking it?
• I should not have written that, what the hell is wrong with me? This was accompanied by a sinking sensation.
• How I respond to this is important – for both the person who took the time to email me back, and equally importantly so for me and how I am going to position myself. So, let’s start there.

This is how I responded:

Well, I am human… We all have our ‘days’ right? Thanks for your feedback.

The rest of this post is going into a few more ideas around this, and maybe even a lengthier effort to answer it.

By now you will have noticed that I am trying to honestly document the thoughts, challenges and successes that I encounter on the stormy seas of starting and building a business. I am not going to sugar coat this – this is damn hard some days (that was sugar coated…). Sitting in the middle of a convoluted melee of salespeople, administrators, laws, guidelines, grey areas, competitors, customers, clients, suppliers and anyone else who feels like throwing some kind of situation into the mix can be…. tough.

Plus of course there is family, health, crappy weather, bills to pay on time, lawns to mow….

And that’s before you deal with the self-doubt that is trying to trip you up at every step.

But anyway, back to that comment.

You know the one that I kept coming back to was not one of the positive ones. That’s right – and even though this comment was not really all that negative, it was the comment that my mind did spend the most attention on. I was worried that I had portrayed myself in such a way that somebody might not want to deal with me, or my company. Maybe I sounded weak? Or frail? Or not resolute enough to cope? I started to second guess myself and my writing. My monkey mind even started second guessing my proof readers – “Did they not see how this would be interpreted?” or “Are they not being honest with me?” “Are they afraid to upset me?”.

Our minds naturally drift towards negative outcomes. We humans are wired for it. It’s played out really well for us as a species as we learn quickly from anything that is likely to get us kicked out of the social group where our chances of survival are very much lowered. We dwell on mistakes to decrease the likelihood we continue to make the same mistakes again.

An awareness of this very human trait is what this experience has reminded me of most of all. The focusing on the negative that then ‘primes’ us to see more negative. This is classically highlighted by characters like Scrooge who have it all but are still miserable, and tragically played out in numerous high-profile situations – the two that immediately come to my mind are the deaths of Robin Williams and Taylor Hawkins. Those who have it all, and yet fail to find lasting joy in all that they have, turning to suicide and/or substance abuse as a way out.

Amongst our challenges we need to take time to focus on what we have, where we have come from and how much we have grown. And even though I do succumb, and drift to the negative at times, it is the ability to get back up, focus on the positive, and have another shot at it that tells me deep down I am an optimist at heart, and strengthens me for the next time.

In closing, try and focus on the positive. There is certainly enough negative ammunition out there at the moment for your attention to latch on to. However, there is always going to be something negative to find. If you are in a rut, please take this opportunity to look for the positive, turn away from whatever it is that is holding you back, and restart today.

I am also going to take this chance to say thank you again to those who read my thoughts, and who comment either back to me or on LinkedIn or Facebook.

You can read last week’s post that started this conversation here.